How being angry and afraid could work well for you!

When we speak of emotions, it’s usually the bad emotions that are on the top of our mind. From infancy, we are hard-wired to take things that work in our favour for granted and complain when things don’t work the way we want them to. Most of us make a big deal about our negative emotions and quickly blame someone else for the same. Negative emotions are telling us a message and we could use  this opportunity to transform and evolve. Yes ! we could use all emotions to our benefit!

Emotion: Sad, jealous, anxiety depression: Life is unfair, unlucky, personal failure, incompetent, loser.

What you can do: Introspect.

Ask yourself the following:
1. What is it that you did, that led to the outcome?
2. Was your ‘Goal’a wish, a dream, a want, or was it backed with a thorough roadmap?
3. Was your goal in alignment with your core values and beliefs, was it your own?
4. Was it safe for everyone around you and the environment?
5. Did you gather and use all the resources you have access to, towards achieving this goal?
6. When you observed other’s success, did you study how they achieved it, try to emulate them, even seek their help?

If the answer to any of the above is a ‘No’, the issue needs to be addressed at that level. Revisit the issue and decide what you can do differently. After all, for every success story we know, nobody mentions the countless trials preceding the story.

The immediate outcome of introspection is that we shift from the problem side to the solution side.

What lessons can we take from this for the future? No matter how horrible the experience has been, there is always something to learn from it. In fact, it’s the Almighty’s design to empower us, strengthen us make us more capable in every such situation. Further, there is a plan in each of our destinies and this episode is simply a part of the full plan. Adversities keep us grounded and humble. Take the learning on way forward. Persevere. This will lead to achieving goals.

Fear of Failure and the power of the Subconscious mind (SCM)
FEAR of failing is a common negative emotion that directly impacts our self-esteem, confidence and competencies.We have a few beliefs about ourselves that are self-limiting and a constraint. This happens because there is a seed of doubt about our success. This ‘little doubt’ from the logical mind gets lodged in the SCM and so, the SCM is confused. SCM is in a state where there is lack of ‘faith’ in the ‘intent’. Doubt is a ‘defensive play’, a way out for not achieving. Often, when things don’t go according to what we envisaged, we start the blame game, or even resign to fate.

The environment and the conscious, thinking mind are all the time feeding our SCM with vital data. The SCM is responsible for over 90 pc of our behaviour, actions and communication. The SCM does not exercise logic. It simply literally executes what it picks up of your thoughts and what your mind believes by default. So, if you fear something may happen and think negatively even once, immediately ‘ctrl-alt-del’ from your mind and replace it very strongly and three times, with a positive thought. It actually works! Thoughts become actions.

Whether you think you can or you cannot, you are usually right! Henry Ford.

The meaning of fail in NLP is feedback. I prefer to call it ‘Feed Forward’, as it is an input for the next step forward. Once you think of any criticism or negative feedback as ‘feed forward’, your SCM takes it as the next step to work on. Automatically, the so-called negative feelings and emotions are very creatively used to further our growth. An appropriate well-articulated feed-forward response from a parent, Teacher or Boss has often become the life-changing, transition moment for some of us.

Anger is another negative emotion all of us have battled with from infancy( A baby crying for food ) It eats your insides and the resultant stress and at times, guilt is extremely destructive to our physical and mental health. Think of ‘Anger’ as a tool given to us for self-improvement. Not as bizarre as it sounds! The time-tested method of counting mindfully, slowly, with deep breaths, up to 10, before reacting, helps us manage this emotion well. If we do this consciously, in that minute or so, our perspective on the situation or person will change. A positive form of Anger is when we fight for a cause, rights or justice. Responses behaviour and action that comes forth from such ‘Anger’, can do great service to humanity.

The next time negative emotions bog you down, remember:
‘Whatever happens, take responsibility!’- Tony Robbins.

This ownership and accountability are very powerful. It brings in a high level of ‘mindfulness’ that helps us use negative emotions, innovatively.

NLP has some very powerful, easy to use tools and techniques, that we could use to set and achieve realistic goals, overcome self-limiting beliefs, traumas, negative emotions, understand perceptual positions and leverage the power of our Subconscious mind. All these help us manage ourselves and our relationships better. It is an ongoing, continual process.

Write to me if your negative emotions are bogging you down. I will be delighted to partner you in finding a solution.
Kanchan Purohit
E mail:
Image Consultant, Corporate Trainer, NLP Enthusiast.
Navi Mumbai.

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